Love Commitment
Several years ago, a pair of mourning doves “built” a nest on a pillar that juts up to the second story of our house to help hold the roof up. Doves are infamous for sloppy nest building and these two were no exception. They laid their eggs on the few twigs they placed on the narrow shelf of the pillar – but down they came – Plop! – on the cement. They were too tiny to fry for breakfast, so we cleaned up the mess, only to have it happen again.
At that point, my husband, George, went to work in the garage, building a flat semi-circle out of wood and encircled it with a little “fence” about an inch high. He then stretched out a long ladder, climbed up and nailed his handiwork to the ledge. A day later, here came the dove pair to check it out. “Wow, look,” they cooed. “A patio and everything!”
We watched, since it was just outside our bedroom window, as they began placing grass and other bits of this and that in their new home. The lady of the house then laid her eggs and together they hatched and nurtured three babies – fascinating to watch. After the little ones were safely on to a new life, the parents raised another batch – and then another. This went on for four years…with a total number of about 16 babies. Then they passed over two years, but this season, they’re back! At least someone is back.
What strikes me as wonderful about doves is their utter devotion to each other, to their home and the wellbeing of their babies. “Our” dove father is discernible by his larger size and larger dark spots on his wings (although some male and female doves look amazingly alike). What a dad! He takes equal turns with Mama, not only with the tedious job of sitting on the eggs but, after they’re hatched, he also alternates with her in feeding them.
Not unexpectedly, this feathered husband leaves his wife safely on the nest during the night with the eggs or the hatchlings, but appears again first thing in the morning to give her a needed rest.
Although “experts” on doves agree and disagree on some details, we’ve reached a few conclusions of our own. Our doves do seem devoted to each other until death do them part. We’ve never seen them squabble about anything, even when they’re eating the cracked corn, sunflower seeds and millet that they find at our backyard feeders when one of them isn’t on duty at the nest. They don’t break each other’s hearts unless one is accidentally killed.
We sigh as we think of human couples with whom we have dealt who aren’t as committed to each other as these birds. They aren’t as dedicated to their relationship – nor as considerate, loving, watchful and determined to make a go of founding a home and rearing their children with the same heartfelt loyalty .
Instead, too many are like the spoiled baby jays we watch. Although almost as large as their parents, they flutter and squawk, hopping about on the lawn with their mouths wide open, demanding that Mom and Dad keep feeding them, cater to them and treat them like the big babies they are, even though they are perfectly capable of feeding themselves.
Not only do some couples exhibit similar immature behavior with their own Moms and Dads, but they behave very much the same way with each other. One or the other – or both – just never quite grow up. With them it’s: Me first, and if I like what you do, I just might be nice to you – at least part of the time.
If you feel your spouse should change in some way, be open and frank about it – but before you do, take a long, hard, honest look at yourself. Are you mature, thoughtful, loving, unselfish – and committed to your marriage? Or have you, or your spouse, desecrated the basic tenets of a close relationship so many times that your marriage is in need of saving? Or does it exhibit too much sadness so your marriage is in need of strengthening and improvement?
We address all of these matters and much, much more in our material for men and material for women. We sincerely want you and your spouse to be content, in love and a tower of strength for your children. Join hands with us and together we can do just that.
Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com
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